I was one of those little girls who always had a baby doll.
I love playing house and school.
I would carry my dolls around and brush their hair, give them a bottle, change the diapers, etc. I loved my dolls.
Even at a young age I wanted to be a mama.
The romantic in me thougth it would be wonderful, glorious, precious…
When we got married I was good for about three years and then the feeling hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to be a mama.
I couldn’t shake the feeling. The only rememdy was holding babies.
Everywhere we went my husband would find a baby and ask if I could hold it, hoping it would put me off for a while.
We got pregnant pretty fast. We weren’t necessarily trying. We were more like practicing without a net!
Now I know that if he were to spit my way I would get pregnant. We didn’t know that then, so it happened pretty quickly.
I love being a mom. I love staying home. I know it’s not for everyone, but staying home is definitely for me. Sure it has it’s moments, hours, weeks, etc. There are days when I don’t want to be mom. I don’t want to be needed. Where all I want to do is go shopping without a stroller or the need to be back by nap time.
Days when I feel a little off, when glimpses of my past life come in, when I feel like maybe I’m not very good at this…on those days my son will do something so cute or sweet or lovely.
He cups his hands and comes up to me and says, “Mama look,” and I look in his chubby hands and he opens them wide and says, “Big hug.”
And I can’t get enough kisses. He sometimes gets annoyed with my asking for another, but sometimes, he comes and kisses me without asking. I love that.
Lately I wonder, can I do this again? Will I be as good to a mom of two?
Thank you God for mothers, for my mom and mother in law, for sisters and friends who have taught me and who I can go to at any time for advice and encouragement. What would I be without such women in my life.
Thank you Jesus for patience when I mess up and for blessing me with a child who thinks I’m wonderful. To take someone who is so crazy sometimes, and allow her to raise your children – Your grace is overwhelming.
Happy Mothers Day.