I’ve had a troubling sort of day. I watch the news come on my facebook feed and it’s disturbing. I read stories of loss and tragedy and terror and my heart breaks in pieces. Murder, violence, terror, troubles, tears, sorrow, brokenness.

SO much brokenness.

Another shooting has occurred. Another act of hate. Another terrorist attack.

Then a child is lost. Disaster. Dreams Shattered.

Blood Shed for nothing.

People pointing fingers, blame spat out like a lashing of bullets missing a target, yet wounding so many.

Fear rises.

Fear overwhelmed me in the night. Though I am so far away and I lay tucked safely in my bed next to my husband snoring softly, I am afraid. The neighborhood is quiet, there are no sirens, no threats. My children sleep soundly and I pray for them. I pray for all the children tonight. I am afraid.

I remember praying to see the world through Jesus’ eyes. I prayed that he would break my heart for the things that break his and I really want to take that prayer back. I don’t want my heart to break like His does. I can’t handle it. I’m not brave enough. I’m too afraid. It’s too hard.

Oh God, what do you see and how can you bear it?

I was suppose to take my kids to the movies today. I didn’t. I wanted to be safe. I was afraid.

I can’t live my life like this. I know it. I have to trust. But I’m scared.

People are hurting and at the same time I am trying to make a small, yet significant decision about daily life. People are grieving and I have to figure out dinner and wash some clothes and make some travel arrangements. Lives are broken and shattered and cut short and I have to keep living.

It’s a strange reality.

And I pray.

 

God, I am saddened and trying to figure out daily life and I can’t imagine this life without you, but I’ll give up the hope and peace I have Lord for those who are literally broken. I know it doesn’t really work that way God, but if I could, I’d give them everything you are so you could heal them and they could feel you near.

And I am reminded that He is near. He is near the broken hearted (Psalms 34:18).

So I mourn with those who mourn. I am full of compassion. I want to cry out “You are loved by the one true God and He is near and He see’s you and he loves you so much.”  

I promise to take my kids to the movies next week. I plan dinner. I smile and laugh and hug my babies tight. I kiss their heads and breathe in their sweet scent. I pray.

I cast out all imagination and I pray for this reality we live in.

I pray and extend a smile and look for the good and seek God and rest in His embrace knowing that He is near and He is God and God is perfect Love.

You are His Beloved,
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