I was planning to launch Beautiful Craziness today to its own domain and customized website.
I’ve been so excited and over the moon about this and of course, in my own crazy way
I have placed a lot of pressure on myself to get it all ready and perfect.
It was honestly stressing me out some, but I was mostly really nervous and, even a little scared to launch.
You know…scared of the ‘what if’s’ and ‘what am I getting myself into’ and ‘can I really do this’ and ‘what do I have to offer’ and ‘where is this going to go’ and ‘what if this goes further than I imagine’ and ‘what if it doesn’t?’
I confided to my husband about my feelings and because He is my greatest helper, he took away my crazy load in one statement.
He said, “No one is pressuring you or expecting any more from you than what you have already been doing. Launch when you want to …do this how you want to and don’t worry so much about everything else.”
And with that, everything seemed more clear.
You see, I’ve planned giveaways and blog posts and series.
I’ve thought of one day advertising and writing eBooks and newsletters.
I’ve dreamed big.
And that freaks me out!
All my “success,” all the kind words and encouragement started to make my goals and desires sort of fuzzy.
This new website came by Gods grace and His divine appointment and through it all I sort of lost my sole reason for having this blog o’ mine.
I wasn’t being prideful, at least I hope not, I was simply missing the point.
If you are a blogger, you understand the vast amount of time posting and getting readers takes.
You don’t just write; you edit, you take or find pics and edit those, you join link ups, you read other blogs…it takes a lot of work, to say the least.
Add all that to my daily life of motherhood and wifedom and it is a full plate!
By the grace of God He has spoken to me and through me unlike any way I have ever experienced and He has allowed the words I write to come almost second nature.
What astounds me the most is that God has allowed my writing to grow in ways that completely overwhelms me and, I hope you hear my sincerity when I say that all of this is God and none of it is me. None of it.
For 4 years or so I have been nothing but mom and wife.
I did not do much of anything that encompassed me or my gifts or callings.
I fell into this pit of despair and sadness, because I had lost who I was and the uniqueness of who God made me.
I knew God was telling me to pick up this blog and start again. I knew He was telling me to not worry about anyone else’s opinions, but to write for Him alone. And so I did. I surrendered this blog and my writing to Him, despite my fear of what others may think about the sometimes personal nature of my posts.
And He made this thing fly and opened doors and has given me wonderful opportunities.
I give Him all the glory and I try to daily surrender this whole crazy venture to Him, yet…all of a sudden I felt pressure.
I started to think outside of Him. I started to feel pressure and then fear and insecurities soon loomed around me.
God didn’t put any of this pressure or fear on me.
I don’t know where He is going to take this or what He is planning; and though I believe with all my heart that He has a purpose and a reason for all things,
in my usual fashion I slowly started to take over and get ahead of Him and plan and formulate on my own.
If I write on this day and post at this time and add this link, then I will get these results…
Hear me out…God is a god of order and He definitely likes plans; He made the world in seven days and planned it to perfection.
My formulas, however, will not produce, perfect, God like results.
If I’ve learned anything this year of surrender, it is that living by a formula is dangerous; the equation is always off and the given reaction can never be expected.
So all that to say, I won’t be launching this week.
This will be my last post on blogger and I will soon be at my new domain…but I don’t know when yet. I’m hoping and praying for next week, but I’m gonna let my plan go and lean on and abide in God and refocus and pray over all these things.
At the end of the day, I want what He desires for me and this blog. I love what Ann Voskamp writes here and I believe her words set the tone and the truth for what I believe God is calling me to.
“Let me post for Thee or be put aside for Thee,
Lifted high, only for Thee, or brought low, all for Thee.
Do with me and each post whatever you will, because You alone know best.
Let me not strive but submit
Let me not compete but care
Let me not desire hits but holiness
Let me be a follower, instead of seeking followers.
Let my blog be full of Thee, and let it be empty of me.
Let me crave all things of Thee, let me care nothing of this world.
Let my words be worthy of the greatest of audiences: You.
And You are enough.”
He is my audience. Nothing else matters. I want to be an upside down blogger and not worry about who’s reading or how many hits a post gets.
I want to be consumed by his purpose and His will for me.
Thank you for reading, for subscribing, for following and for encouraging. The fact that you come back humbles me to no end. We serve such a good God and I am blessed to walk this journey of being His devoted follower with you.
My next post will be at my new site!
Blessings to you all.