This week I turn thirty…for the third time.
It’s been quite a year, to say the least.
My little brother had a birthday a few days ago as well and he was sharing with me how good God is and how content and happy he was and it blessed me so much to hear him. He had his first child this year, a healthy sweet baby boy and God is so good ya’ll.
As I was reflecting on my own life this week I am at a place in my life where I am in awe of God. Seriously, I am totally overwhelmed and in awe.
In my life right now at thirty something I am in a very vulnerable place and I am loving it. I am desperate for more of my God, but not in despair as I have been in years past. I am full of joy and hope and many days I am on my face before God.
I am definitely thriving in so many ways and it scares me, yet it also keeps me pressing into Him and for that I am so grateful.
I have family that I love so much. A family who is so imperfect and full of mess ups and faiths, but we love Jesus and we are walking together and working to be Christ centered in all our ways.
I have friends who pour into me, build me up, encourage me, speak life over us and who we are able to do the same for. Friends who are life longers and who we are stuck with us forever and I am so thankful for these people who I can call in a minute and who I know will pray for me in that moment of need and will be where I need them, if needed. I am not worthy of such friendships.
But the best part of being thrity again, is that this year, unlike any other year has been a turning point in my walk and my story. For 8 months I have lived a surrendered life and it has been hard and scary and a daily part of living, but I praise my God that he gave me the grace to finally come to the day where I lifted my hands and cried out to Him and said, “I am nothing, I need you, fill me. I am desperate.” And then…He came through. Overwhelmingly and passionately and full of glory.
When Jesus was 33 he made the ultimate sacrifice for you and I . He surrendered the life he led here on earth. He surrendered his family he loved, His friends he lived life with, all of it because of his great love for you and for me. He gave up everything, even his Father in heaven so that we could be saved, loved, delivered and free from sin and death and healed…completely made whole.
Jesus did all that for me so that on they year of my 33rd birthday I could finally give in and give up all of myself and be restored and redeemed and purposed!
Oh My God I am so unworthy of your love. I am so unworthy.
I have so many dreams and desires for my life.
Some dreams have recently resurfaced, some are new and full of life. Some dreams are for celebrating this life and some are for living this life to the fullest.
I dream of one day writing a book.
I dream of touring Europe.
I dream of going on a mission trip.
I dream of loving my kids fiercely, the way Jesus loves us.
I dream of praying and interceding deeply and longingly.
I dream of having my passion for Jesus be contagious to all who come in contact with me.
I dream of loving and serving my husband selflessly and passionately.
I dream of going on a fun filled vacation with my favorite people.
I dream of being bold for Christ.
I dream of making an impact with this blog.
I dream of walking this walk with passion and purpose.
I dream of leaving a legacy that will last generations.
I dream of being handed batons to carry in this life and then handing them off with purpose and grace.
I dream of inspiring others to experience the Joy of Christ and the Power of the Holy Spirit.
I dream of running this race till I am breathless and panting for more of my Jesus.
I dream of being fearless.
I look in the mirror.
I’m squishier than what I use to be. Losing 10 lbs has never been easy for me and it still isn’t easy. My body aches a little more than it ever did. My feet don’t get as much attention as they should. My eyes have little lines under them and I must now consistently color my hair for vanity’s sake. My hands aren’t as soft as they use to be either so I smooth all the roughness out with sweet coconut oil as my daily regimen.
I look in the mirror.
My body may not be what it once was, but my arms are full and stronger than they have ever been because they are carrying the glory of batons that have been handed to me by Jesus. My legs are stronger as they continue to walk this path that is arduous and hard at times, and my feet have never been more beautiful, for they are bringing the good news. My eyes are brighter and full of joy and hope. My hair shows signs of wisdom and grace. My hands are ready and willing to serve and to love.
My greatest desire for this year is that I will be filled to overflowing.
That I’ll be made stronger daily.
That I will be bold.
Sweet Jesus, I ask that this next year I will be full of your Holy Spirit.
That I will come to know the comforter more than ever before.
That your presences will surround every part of who I am.
That you will fill me to overflowing.
Overflowing in boldness.
Overflowing in faith.
Overflowing in strength.
That I will be FEARLESS and UNSTOPPABLE.
That my walk will become full of love and grace.
That my muscles will ache from working out my salvation.
That my hands will be hands worked and aged hard from serving you.
That my hair will be streaked with age from the fervent prayers and intercession and petitions for all those whom I love, lifted up to you daily.
That my feet will be worn and hard pressed,
yet beautiful because of the good news they bring.
May my eyes be full of wisdom and light and laughter and joy,
tears and love and warmth.
Eyes that tell a story of your continuous love.
Fill me with a passion for more of you.
Allow me to surrender to you daily with my hands lifted high.
You are my King and I am your Beloved.
Thank you for one more breath, one more day, one more year and more time.