For a while he was going around telling me “I funny Mama.” Then, he became my “Handy Sammy” and was walking around with his daddy’s tools saying, “I fix it mama.” It wasn’t until one day he walked up to me with a screwdriver and said, “I fix you mama,” did I think I had any problems! Lucky for us, his birthday came around and thanks to some great friends, he now has his own set of tools that he can hammer away with, rather than trying to fix his mothers’ craziness.
Not long ago I began the trend of lying to my child by telling him he can’t have something like cookies or a popscicle because “we were out and had to go to the store to buy more.” So now, when I say, “Sorry bud, we are all out of cookies,” He emphatically states, “Buy more mama.”
As you can probably tell, life is a lot of fun right now and we never know what Sammy is going to say next, which makes us a bit nervous about what we say and keeps us censored as best as possible.
His newest catch phrase is my favorite of all though. Everytime he wants me to carry him he says, “Mama, I hold you.”
I don’t hold him, he holds me.
Perhaps it’s his independence that has him share his desire this way, or maybe he actually has better insight than most of us.
How many times in this life do we say, “God hold me, carry me through this.” “God I don’t want to walk through this, hold me please.” But the thing is, we should instead cry out to Him as my baby does and say, “God, let me hold you. I hold you God.”
I want to get to the point where instead of calling on God and saying, “Lord, hold me,” I want to desire him so much where instead I say, “Lord, I want to hold You. I don’t want to let you go.” When I hold on to God, I am sure and confident. I have purpose and my heart is healed.
When Sammy holds me, I feel safe and as if all things are perfect in that one moment. And he knows that when he holds mama, he is safe and content and all his hurts will be kissed away.
I want those moments to last forever, but as soon as I get a big hug, he wriggles away and goes on to build blocks or watch TV and walks away until the next time he needs to hold me.
How I desire to keep my little one in my arms as long as possible. To be the arms he runs to; to hold on to. The crazy thing is that soon this little man of mine won’t want to hold me. I can look into the future and though I can’t wait to see what the world holds for him, at the same time, I’m also afraid of what the world holds.
The only thing I can do is teach him that he can’t hold me, he has to hold God. I can’t give him everything he needs the way we are use to, because someday he is going to need something I don’t have or can’t give him.
So when he is 8, 15 and 22, I hope he remembers to say, “God, I wanna hold you,” and that he holds on with his whole heart.
And maybe I can learn to do the same.