I’ve been thinking about surrendering to God and what that means and entails.
I’ve been wondering if I have ever, really, done that.
I’ve been a believer all my life. I have loved the Lord all my life. I have sought Him, I have found Him, I have pleaded with Him, I have cried our for Him, I have been blessed by Him, I have been humbled by Him, I have been healed by Him, I have felt His arms wrapped around me, I have felt as if I had lost Him.
I have grown, I have struggled, I have rejoiced, I have persevered…but have I surrendered everything to Him?
I guess the question is my answer.
I have surrendered many things. Mostly the easy things and even some of the hard stuff.
I have surrendered over my husband to Him, and even my children. I trust Him with them. It took a while and I still at times fear for them, but, when I do, I get my head in check, I pray over them and trust Him. I pray for them daily. Throughout the day. That’s all I really can do and I trust Him.
I trust my home to Him. I surrender my earthly possessions to Him.
I even trust Him with my life.
But I don’t think I have completely surrendered my life to Him.
I have given Him my life. I have asked Him to use me as his vessel…with conditions. I have confessed my sins, except for the real secret ones that no one really knows about and they really aren’t that bad. I trust him with my future as long as it for the most part falls into place the way I have planned it out. I surrendered my dreams and I want them to work out the way I have dreamed them to work out.
So…I am missing something. I say I trust, but to a point.
I don’t really pray for myself. I pray differently for myself than I pray for others. When I pray for others, I pray with conviction. I pray the word.
When I pray for myself, my prayers are more like pleadings.
Lord please help me today. Help me have energy. Help me get everything done. Help me not eat too much. Help me to drink water. Help me to get up and read you word. Help me to find time to excercise. Help me to be productive. Help me to speak turth and encouragement. Help me be a good mom. Help me be fun today.
See…pleadings. And as I write this I see a correlation in all these pleadings…it’s all about me.
I haven’t surrendered me.
If I had, I wouldn’t continue to struggle and be defeated in these things. I would be victorious because of His strength and not my own.
And I haven’t stopped fighting Him at times.
I haven’t given up full control. I haven’t surrendered.
What does surrendering mean?
I think surrendering all to God is giving in to Him daily. I don’t think it’s something we do once and we are free. I think it’s a daily prayer, “Lord today I give over myself to you. My selfish ambition, what I want for me, what is not good for me, what I desire I put aside and ask that you fill me with what you desire instead. Make me hungry for you. Make me holy, refine me and then use me however you think is best and all for your glory.”
That has to be a daily prayer. Because, we are selfish. We are born into sin and we want what we want when we want it.
If I want to be used by God with conditions, I am limiting Him to do what HE wants to do in my life for others.
If I want to be obedient and be free from bondage, but I can’t let go of the little choices I make that yeah, maybe they don’t hurt anyone, but they do hurt me because I am choosing to be disobedient.
I get this now. I want to surrender it all. I want to be free. I don’t want to hold on to any of this anymore. I want to just let it Go. I want to know that I TRUST GOD. I trust Him. I can be free in Him. I can trust Him.
“Father, I surrender. I surrender. I surrender. Take my empty desires away and fill them with yours. Take my need to control things and fill them with rest. I can’t do it all. I can’t be strong without you. I can’t do anything without you. I surrender. Everyday. I surrender. Fill me to be what you desire me to be.”