A friend of ours walked up to us to say hello. He looked down at my tiny girl and asked her what was wrong. She hid in my skirt, trying to hide her tears and I automatically responded with, “She’s fine.” He looked at me and said with all sincerity, “Really? Because she doesn’t seem fine.”
His words hit me and I said, “You’re right, she’s not fine.”
Yet, when we use the word fine we aren’t referring to our life as being free from impurity or superior in quality. No, we are saying it is simply satisfactory, if that much.
Without realizing the power of that one little word, I was teaching my daughter to hide behind the fabricated truth and the mask that says, “Don’t worry about me, I can handle anything, I’m fine.”In that little word, I was teaching her to stifle her emotions, her fears, her hurts and not show the world her truth, her impurities or her delicate nature.In that little word, I was teaching her to fain strength in a world that praises the well trained who push away the hurt and fight against the weakness.
None of us are.
There are days when my kids drive me crazy. Seriously. When their fighting and whining and complaining are about to throw me over the edge and I want to cry because they don’t seem to listen at all and I am obviously raising unthankful, disobedient children and I feel completely unqualified for this parenting gig…it’s NOT FINE.
There are days when I don’t want to do any of this anymore. I don’t want to read my bible, I don’t feel like praying and my faith is weak because in that moment I don’t believe any of it. I don’t believe ‘in my weakness He is strong,’ I don’t believe ‘I am more than a conqueror’ and I feel like I’m a real fake and it’s NOT FINE.
I was teaching my little girl all of those things in that one four letter word. And now, I must undo my teaching. Because now, when she’s upset, she automatically responds with, “It’s fine, I’m fine.”
Oh dear one, I’m so sorry.
You aren’t fine. None of us are. We are all simply trying to get by, to breathe in and out and walk up this mountain called life. Sure compared to most, we are “fine,” but who is comparing? Who is so concerned with our perfections? No one else, but ourselves. And so my darling, don’t hide behind “fine,” but stand in your truth. Even if that truth is weakness and frailty in the moment, lift your head in that weakness, because that weakness makes us malleable and in that frail state, He refines us, takes away our impurities and makes us really perfect, and pure, without blemish or stain. You are just like the gems and jewels you delight and marvel in and in the light, you can see His reflection.
Once you allow Him to reveal His truth and His strength within you, then, beloved, will you truly be Fine.