My heart has been heavy this week.
My spirit has been overwhelmed with so many emotions.

All I can do is pray and cry. I have been on my knees. I have questioned. I have searched. I have wondered and hoped.

Last week a friend of ours went to the doctor. He had been complaining of headaches for a while. He figured it was stress.

Test were done.

Soon after a phone call came from the doctor, “We have your results, you need to come in and bring your wife.”

A brain tumor. They must operate. They don’t know what it is. Benign? Malignant?

He’s 35. He and his wife have three beautiful girls. They just had a sweet baby who is 7 months old.

God…what are you thinking? I wish I knew.

He had surgery this week. Everything went well and he is recovering well, though the tumor was malignant.

About a year ago our best friends went through a similar battle involving a parent with brain cancer. It was heart breaking and there was little for us to do. We prayed so hard. We waited for a miracle. We took in all the information we could. We prayed. We cried.

And as I prayed, I thought, “Lord, please don’t let this come near my home.”

The Lord works miracles. He is winning the battle, though it is ongoing, God is still moving and working.

In the last few years we have been touched by cancer. It was always one of those disease you hear about and now, I can name too many people who have battled. Some have won, others lost.

It has come closer to home, with grandparents and uncles. Please God, don’t let it come any closer.

This week, this news shook me a little more so. Most people I know who have battled are older. They have lived good lives. Perhaps cut short, but older.

I kept thinking, “But God, he’s our age. That’s not suppose to happen. He has kids. They need him. His wife needs him.”

Why?

All I know is that life is too short. Those little fights, those broken relationships, those every day struggles with people aren’t worth anything. I want to live as if today is all I have. I want to forgive and move on. I want to love like crazy. I want to hug my kid everyday and hold him and tell him I love him. I want to kiss my husband everyday and hold him and keep that twinkle in his eye that is reserved for me and tell him how I love and appreciate him. I want to tell my parents and brother and my entire family that I love them. No matter the differences, no matter the disagreements. I want to put the past aside and say, I love you. Thank you for being in my life, for sharing in it all, for remembering it all. I want to encourage my friends and love on them.

I can’t let any day go to waste. They are too precious.

“Father, I don’t know the answers to the mysteries of this world. I don’t know the answers to the why’s, but I know you are in control. And I trust you. Jesus, help my friends. Pour peace and hope into them right now. Embrace them. Calm their fears. Heal, my God. Heal. Work a miracle. We are believing for a miracle. Embrace those babies where ever they are, bring them rest and peace. And father, for all the people who are sick I ask that you show yourself to them. Let them feel your presence. Let their hearts be softened to you. Father protect my home from such things. In your precious name, Amen.”

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