No Longer a Wanderer
It never fails.
I wake up early to write, get a cup of coffee, sit down, write one sentences and I hear a door creak open. I sit completely still hoping that whoever it is goes back to bed.
I hear the little feet trot down each step and I hear a muffled, “good morning mommy.”
My heart sinks a little because I literally wrote one sentences and I think, ‘this is why I typically leave to write!’
The little one comes and sits next to me.
I hold her, put away my notebook and she tells me about the bad dream. She is the cutest thing to see at 6:30 in the morning with tousled, curly hair and a pretty painted pink thumb in her mouth as the sweet, girly ruffled and satin night gown fall past her chubby, little girl knees.
I stroke her hair, kiss her head and then send her sleepily self off to her daddy with the incentive of “sleeping on mommy’s side” so I can get at least 30 minutes of writing done.
This is part of being mommy.
I hear similar stories from many mama’s often.
I get up to pray, walk, have quiet time and sure enough someone wakes up.
They want to be with you even though what you desperately want and need is an hour of solitude.
An hour of not being needed or wanted.
And hour of quiet.
An hour where you can put aside the to do list and just be.
I have a hard time finding that hour. In the evenings I stay up late because I am desperate for time alone and quiet. I spend time with my husband until he fall’s asleep and I can finally sit quietly and read or write. The hard part is that I am tired, but I stay up anyway.
And the next morning…I’m still tired. Very tired.
It’s hard to find that perfect time.
I want desperately to have my quiet times so I can refuel, but so many times they are cut short.
I want to find time to write, but I have to escape to do that.
I want time to just be and relax, but I have to plan that or it never happens.
I realize it is all part of surrendering my life and especially my time to Jesus.
I have to give him my everyday.
The quiet, the free moments, the crazy minutes that seem like hours, the long days, the tiring days, the fun filled days, the precious few moments.
I have to surrender all those times to Him and pray;
“Ok Lord, I can’t control how my day is going to be spent. I can’t control the minutes or the hours, I can’t control the well intended plans that fail, so I give you this day. I hand over the clock and I ask you humbly and as a sometimes desperate mommy to take the few minutes before the children wake, to take those quiet hours in the evening, to take the moments of running and living and laughing and reading and teaching and training and loving; Take all those moments and the millisecond breath prayers and fuel me. Make those small moments enough. Make the short time extend. Meet me where I am today and in whatever lies ahead. Fuel me to overflowing because there isn’t ever enough time, but I am desperate for more. You know my intention, my heart and my desires, so Father please extend your grace and fill me till tomorrow.”
You are His Beloved,
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